Privacy Policy

I apparently have to post a privacy policy. Here it is. Knock yourself out.

Who we are

This website address is: https://melancholyjane.com. And there’s no “we.” It’s just me. So Who I am. No we. Just I.

What personal data we collect and why we collect it

I don’t collect anything. You’re just supposed to read.

Comments

Nobody can leave comments. I don’t want to know, to be honest. I appreciate your reading the posts, but I don’t at all mind your keeping your thoughts to yourself, thanks. Not in a great place for accepting criticism at the moment, thanks.

Media

I hope you aren’t able to upload anything here. Please don’t try. Just relax. Why are you always trying to upload things?

Contact forms

If I do put up a contact form (which I probably won’t? Maybe I will. I don’t know. Maybe.), then you’re free to use it or not, at your own risk. It’s the Internet, right? We all just do what we can.

Cookies

You can’t leave comments or log in or post articles or anything, so it’s not real clear to me why this section would apply? WordPress or my plugins might use cookies. I don’t know. None of us knows. We’re all screwed in terms of privacy anyway, right? Swim at your own risk, my friend. No lifeguard is on duty. Beyond here, there be dragons.

Embedded content from other websites

Articles on this site may include embedded content (e.g. videos, images, articles, etc.). Embedded content from other websites behaves in the exact same way as if the visitor has visited the other website.

These websites may collect data about you, use cookies, embed additional third-party tracking, and monitor your interaction with that embedded content, including tracking your interaction with the embedded content if you have an account and are logged in to that website.

Sure, I agree with all that pre-populated privacy page text. Check.

Analytics

What? Why? Like, Google Analytics? Why? I just dump my mental garbage here. Why would I want to know who’s pawing through it? Anyway.

Who we share your data with

I can’t imagine for the life of me who’d be interested. I won’t share anything. I find it hard to believe that I’ll ever have anything to share. So.

How long we retain your data

Again, you can’t comment or register or log in or post, so there’s no data to retain? Right?

What rights you have over your data

None of us has any rights left, do we?

Where we send your data

Visitor comments may be checked through an automated spam detection service. If there were any. Which there aren’t. For now I guess.

Your contact information

Whose? Mine? Or site visitors’? I don’t get this heading. I appreciate the template, but I don’t get this one. Sorry.

Additional information

Sure, why not. Let’s roll.

How we protect your data

I don’t. And there’s no we. It’s just me. How I protect your data. Or don’t. Because I ain’t got no data o’ yourn. Moving on.

What data breach procedures we have in place

I’ve got none, sorry. Please don’t try to give me anything private or personal. That’s the best policy overall, isn’t it? NEVER SHARE ANYTHING WITH ANYONE.

What third parties we receive data from

I don’t know. WordPress plugins? I don’t know.

What automated decision making and/or profiling we do with user data

I wouldn’t even know where to start here. What kinds of decisions do website people make using automation? I can’t even think of an example. Can you?

Industry regulatory disclosure requirements

What industry? Are we done yet? I think we’re done. Thanks, folks. Box… ticked.